My name is Rosanna. I'm 22 years old. In 53 days I'm getting married. I could NOT be more excited to start this amazing adventure with my best friend and the love of my life! I'm ready to take this next step together and face all obstacles ahead side by side for a life full of love and happiness.
The time leading up to the wedding should be a time full of excitement. But what I've encountered from several people is anything but. Warnings about being prepared for things to go south the minute we say "I do". People telling me that marriage is worthless. Get out while you can. You're too young.
Why are you saying this to me? Shouldn't you be encouraging me and giving me advice on how to have a long and happy marriage? Why do you put these negative and scary thoughts into my head?
Because it's the new norm.
Divorce is the norm. Nowadays if you hear of someone celebrating an anniversary the response is "wow! Good for you!" We say this because it's not common anymore. Divorce happens all the time. But why?
Speaking from what I've seen in my own generation, here's what I think.
We look at relationships as a way to benefit from something. People start dating someone thinking "what can I get out of this?" Well that's not marriage material. Marriage is giving your all without expecting anything in return. It's going the extra mile just to see that cute little smile on your husband/wife's face. It's cooking dinner after a long day even when you're exhausted just so they can relax. Marriage is sacrifice. We hear the word sacrifice and we are afraid that it means we have to give up something. But really, sacrifice is giving up something you love for someone you love even more. Putting someone else's needs and desires above your own. We need to learn to sacrifice and serve our spouses.
We're not dedicated. People nowadays have too many outlets for outside attention. Texting, social media, snapchatting. The minute things get just a little rocky, we turn to another source to see what our options are. Ooh, he liked my last selfie. Maybe if this relationship craps out, I'll start talking to him. No. We need to dedicate ourselves to one person. Really dedicate. No more texting random people you met online or sending flirty pictures to guys you're "just friends" with. Don't "keep your options open." If you want something to last, you have to put your all into it.
Lastly, we don't know how to forgive. Growing up, we're taught to forgive and forget. Why do you forget that when we're adults? We just hold on to every little teeny tiny itsy bitsy thing that someone does to us whether they mean to or not. A relationship needs forgiveness. Nobody is perfect. We all mess up big time. But that doesn't mean that we don't still love our spouses. I know that forgiveness can be hard.. and trust me.. I know. It's probably one of the hardest things that we have to do. I say we have to do this because it's true. Holding on to grudges only hurts ourselves. Letting go can bring such peace. You can finally start enjoying life again. So when our husbands/wives mess up, we need to forgive. Work through the issues together. Communicate. And I mean in person. None of this texting nonsense. Actually sit down and talk through things. It might take a day, it might take a few months. But as long as two people are commited and willing to forgive, they can work through anything.
So to those people who tell me to enjoy my marriage while it lasts, I have something to say to you.. My marriage Will. Not. Fail.
I am solely dedicated to my husband-to-be. I have never met anyone like him and I have never felt so loved by anyone else. By saying "I do," I'm making a promise to him. I promise to always be dedicated to you and you alone. I promise to put your needs before my own. I promise to forgive when forgiveness is needed and ask for forgiveness when I mess up. I promise to keep God the center of our marriage and pray for us every day. I know that marriage isn't easy and that there will be times when things aren't peachy. But I promise to never give up. We will make it. I promise to walk beside you every single day and grow old with you. I promise to be by your side til death do us part.
I love you with my whole heart and I promise to never stop.
"Therefore, what God has brought together, let no man separate." ~Mark 10:9
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