To The Boy Who Broke Me

To the boy who broke me,

      I know that we haven't talked a whole lot since we went our separate ways, but I wanted to thank you. There are certain things that you did to me in the short amount of time that we were together that have really had an impact on my life. So here's my thank you list to you...

     Thank you for never letting me be right. I was never right when we were together. Even when I was, I wasn't. You always corrected every little thing that I ever said. I want to thank you for that. Had you not done that, I never would have realized that I can stick up for myself. I had to with you. That's probably why you decided that you didn't like me after a while. I wouldn't let you put me down.. and you didn't like that. I was too strong for you. I had to be strong so you wouldn't walk all over me.  But that's not what you wanted. So thank you for teaching me how to be strong.

     Thank you for wanting me to change. I was never good enough for you was I? I didn't have the perfect figure, I wasn't tall enough, and there was always something I could improve on. I wasn't good enough for you and I was lucky that you wanted me. That's what you wanted me to think. But looking back now, it was the other way around. You made me feel that way so I would stay with you. You made me feel insecure so I would be happy that someone wanted me. You wanted that power over me. You wanted me to have such low self esteem that I would never leave you.. even when I changed I wasn't good enough. But I was. I will always be good enough. I don't need someone to tell me if I am or not because I'll know that I am. So thank you for teaching me this. I don't ever need to change to be something that I'm not.

     Thank you for making me feel unloved. I tried so hard to make you feel the way I felt about you. But you didn't. That's not what you wanted. You wanted someone to be there for you no matter what but you didn't want to have to have feelings for them. Maybe you were scared or maybe you just didn't want that. But none of that matters now. What does matter is that I was unloved. Sure, I had my family. But you didn't love me and that was hard. But what I did learn from this experience was that I am always loved. I didn't need you to love me. I have my family, my friends, and an amazing God who will always love me no matter what. I didn't and don't need you. So thank you for showing me that I am always loved.

     Thank you for showing me what a real man isn't. A real man won't put you down. He won't try and make me feel bad about myself so he can feel better. He'll always be supportive so I know that he loves me. And he won't be afraid to tell me that he loves me because he'll never want me to forget it. He won't want me to change but will support me if I decide to.... if I decide to. I hope that you can see that. I hope your next relationship doesn't go the way ours did. I hope you find love. I hope that you can finally change from the selfish boy you were when we were together.

     And finally, thank you for teaching me how to forgive. I struggled for a long time after we separated. I felt like it was my fault. Maybe if I had just stopped trying to be right I could have kept you. Or maybe if I had just changed like you wanted me to then none of this would have happened. I blamed myself. But it wasn't my fault. It was yours. Then I blamed you.. and I blamed you a lot. I couldn't let go of what happened. I thought that you had just hurt me.... but you broke me. But I built myself back up and now I'm stronger than ever. But I'm strong because I let go. I forgave you for breaking me. I turned all the negative things you did to me into positive things that only help me be stronger. I wouldn't be the person I am today had it not been for you.

So thank you for all that you did. Thank you for breaking me.